He said go ahead start just don't stop he would rather be dead than continue to serve as a slave. armed with a cease and desist order against the county from a federal court he planned against the wish's of the good old boys in the county to leave for the millennial celebrations in Germany after 19 years I had hoped for forgiving and understanding but when two deputies showed up to hold him without charges until Christmas morning and get him to work till then out of the jail. If you want to change something, work it out in adult fashion with your spouse." The more I tell these stories, the more horrified I am at my obliviousness through the years, and my blindness to what asshole moves these types of beliefs and behaviors are. His pretty foreman was threatened by the last man that if she sent my husband back home there would be a wildcat that she would be credited as allowing. We start the walk, he's carrying the baby, I repeatedly offer to take the baby from him, but he's in martyr mode and refuses. Someone that could help bring you back up? Just try it our way just once, he might like it. So we spent to the new year in each others company. What in the holy hell is his problem?? EVER.AGAIN. Sooo, I had to make my own special events. Move on and find someone else. You can offer him to bring some things that otherwise form an integral part of his routine to make it easier for him to bear the change. Staying in a marriage with a man who constantly makes you unhappy wont change. Don't despair, Make it a Hallmark Thanksgiving and Christmas by doing something special for yourself. They may also use holiday routine disruptions as an excuse to triangulate you with others or give you a silent treatment. Reminder to commenters: No. His mother had a heart attack at that point and his aunt took her to the ER. Is he 10? In 2003 I gave his father his passport to lock in his safe deposit to stop him from the Ireland trip to keep his father happy, I left a note to please just make a list of what he would consider for the time after the new year or better yet just talk to his foreman get the time arranged for and then make the reservations just not any place cold He would get his passport back before the new year and nobody had to be beaten to a bloody pulp if he would just keep the peace about choosing something else after the new year, In that note I said there had to be a way to stop the impasse. . If your husband agrees and wants to be with you, great; if he doesnt want to, thats his business. You deserve someone who respects you and wants to do whatever he can to make you happy. Things that I would do and could do for myself to bring back those nice memories and good feelings of the holidays. Don't side with your parents against your spouse, and don't carry their criticisms home to your spouse. They may combine all or more of the items on this list to hold this over your head. There are parties, family events, your friends, your children they dont like that. He was working the inventory on his job at 3 that afternoon when skilled trades could not get him to come to the window to issue a part that was not available in the virtual crib a tradesman climbed trough the issuing window. Husband keeps ruining the holidays for me. I refill the water bottle from a water fountain after husband drinks all of it. It might not be the same but it would start a way to peace and nobody else would end up going to the ER. Its like dealing with a spoiled child, your husband can make a big drama over little things, but it shouldnt excite you. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Whether its a ruined vacation, celebration or a holiday season that provides this clarity, it can feel rough, but we need to accept the clarity it bringswhen the glaring Of course, he is an adult and should be able to control his temper. His trainee ad others needed the summer months off. He said a new laptop computer. "For example, losing $20 affects us more than gaining $20, even though the two events are equivalent in weight," she said. I had set up the B and B four hours to the north as the hoped for replacement that he was being given by the company adding 2 paid weeks on to the two months he had not used a day of, I found a German sex shop and bought some very sexy things to wear on that two weeks and had the hope after that since he had so much money in the bank and the doubling of the pay he earned since he was hitting everyone over the head with grievances over having to work the holiday. The husbands story went viral on the AITA subreddit, getting over 15.8k upvotes. I have to work (RN) thankful I dont have to go to my in-laws for dinner. I was concerned when you said your husband has a temper problem. We had no Idea that things could get worse in telling us what he thought of us. The narcissist may reach out with a call, email or text to wish you happy holidays. My husband went so he could see his kids and I stayed home and looked after our dogs so we wouldnt have to board them in a kennel. Just please pull his bid and talk to the other three that his father called the ex military seniority bullies. I DREAD going to my inlaws for the holidays and my husband doesnt care. So we try to salvage the last of the vacation. Good grief woman I'd have lost my ever loving mind. Happy. They will take their work assignments on vacation and use every moment to do something smart.. Narcissists try to ruin the holiday season by holding our desire for joy and harmony over our heads so that they can get their way. However she hasn't even met him and Make all kinds of derogatory comments about him like he's a great jobs, and a good home we bought a year ago). (If anyone watched Bling Empire, when they flew to Paris, think that sort of treatment) We were told the next time he might be responding to someone dying over that interference and my husband would have a insanity defense because after 27 years without a day off he would be able to prove abuse on our part Then throwing me across a room the next year and trying to strangle his father to death in the middle of the airport. He was definitely angry that I didn't want to do it. What a tool, you can do this thing for the kids! Its called a vacation day not Saturday. I'm pissed off at this point and, honestly, my feelings are hurt because I feel like he's punishing me for not feeling well even though I'm trying to minimize the effect my being sick will have on the trip. I guess people who have to commute to their 9 to 5 jobs are just living in hell, right? A parent's conspicuous and continual assessment of a son's or daughter's spouse can form the bedrock of conflict between in-laws. All the way to his fathers I cried all we had wanted was a little consideration to the needs of others and, he said and never him, just everyone else. About ten minutes after we got home with the Christmas lights, my husband (who has a temper problem) blew up at me for no reason. My husband had warned me to enjoy the show when she opened the folder and several 8x10s fell out showing the deacon going into a motel when he was supposed to be at work with another woman. I was just trying to see a young couple get a better start in their marriage than we had 28 years before because it now hung over our heads and had crushed any thing we could have had, I plead please don't send me to prison I would forget the society needs and they would have to fend for themselves from then on. Anyone who has ever joined us, our mothers included, have refused to ever join us on a vacation again. Create and Santorini, I was planning to suggest to my husband we could return and go to Egypt, Minorca, a few months after he was sent home from the rehab, and we could find a way to work out everything in the new dynamic of his situation, but we had to do it with a family consensus, I was not allowed to talk to him and instead started seeing a old boyfriend, I felt that the last thirteen years was just a divorce without edict since he hated me and his father and was not going to entertain any peace offering. Maternity leave is HARD WORK. Most readers thought that the guy did nothing wrong by asking his wife to sit his uncles wedding out instead of showing up in a white dress that was sewn in a similar style as a wedding dress. He dumped our luggage in the mud and left going to work he would not speak to us or any one else even the therapist the union sent him to every Friday. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Hs fathers friend the judge was under investigation as to what other bribes he had taken and if he had used the evidence locker to support his drug habit for decades since he had signed out of evidence in cocaine and had it in his blood. As soon as the check is paid, he bolts to the stand to ask about prices, etc. Having angry reactions to feedback instead of being open to it. My husbands reaction was swift , immediate, and deadly. Then we have to turn back and the trip back is even worse. 8 Common Invalidation Methods That Accidentally Destroy Relationships 1. He dislocated my shoulder and tried to strangle his father to death for canceling our double berth on the Orient Express. He gives me the most disgusted look, lets out a huge martyr sigh, and says "yeah, fine, whatever you want." people with narcissistic personality traits. I feel devastated. Finally I get up (not like I was sleeping anyway), change the baby, get baby dressed, find the 4yo's shoes, get the 4yo dressed, all while husband gets himself dressed and stares at his phone. The best of the best when they travel for work. They make a mountain out of a molehill. That in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. Then he starts listing tasks that I can take care of since I am home anyway and finally lists a kid related task that I have been begging him to do for months because it stresses me out. His father and I along with the people we invited to the Christmas we had planed as the last without my husband being involved Went and had a dinner at Denny's, I felt bad that we had to do that because my husband for 31 years had fought us tooth and nail to not have a rewarmed meal or sandwich for his holiday meals, remained angry telling us we had stolen his life, and his mother was hoping he was out of rehab soon. The Thursday, Aug. 6, episode of Teen Mom 2 was a lesson in how jealousy can ruin a relationship. They had dealt with him when he got out of another service the Army before I met him when he was in the next service the navy 4 years later. I took the baby and spent an hour putting him to sleep since his routine has been disrupted while husband gets the older kid changed into his pajamas and the two of them collapse together in our bed, again at 9pm, because they're both SO EXHAUSTED. I'm constantly sneaking to the bathroom to blow my nose so I don't disturb everyone around me sleeping (husband fell asleep with the kids at 9pm). Husband keeps ruining the holidays for me. Yes, it is possible. I don't get a nap, but I stop at a coffeeshop to have a large latte and bang out some work, and am feeling pretty good when he comes back to pick me up a little over an hour later. Why Your Husband Wants to Name the Baby After His Father? We tried to call him on his job in the plant to at least try and hear us out and make a vacation holiday after his 45th birthday. Do you have any friends that you could talk to that may share your enthusiasm? Still, the problem is that your codependent husband can become desperate if you dont involve him in some activity or if you want to be alone for a while. Something was worked out till 2003. Husband bitches because I was wrong about the floor where breakfast is at first. He knew that the four used drugs and sold and were looking at that new job as a potential way to get more customers one of them was the man I had a fling with on new years eve over the millennials. He did not believe a word I said about never again would I stop him from having the time off he wanted. One of the healthiest strategies for dealing with family drama during the holidays is to protect your actual holiday if you can, says Campbell. Dont ruin your holiday for your spouse. Your husband and mine are cut from the same mold, I swear. Pure enjoyment and entertainment are a waste of time for them. Then you will know how to best change the usual scenario of your vacation. The Ultimate Narcissist Dictionary for Defining Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse, How to Deal with a Narcissist During the Holidays, Comprehensive Narcissistic Abuse Dictionary, The Best Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, Trouble in Paradise: Why Narcissists Ruin Vacations, Narcissists and Valentines Day: Romantic Torture, How to Deal with a Narcissist During the Holidays, The Worst Thing You Can Do to a Narcissist, Songs About Narcissism: Your Abuse Recovery Playlist, Ten Things That May Happen in a New Relationship After Narcissistic Abuse, How to Outsmart a Narcissist and Break Their Spell, How Narcissists Ruin Holidays: It's Not Your Imagination, 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Won't Give You Closure, Why Cognitive Dissonance is Trauma to Narcissistic Abuse Survivors, How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished With You, How to Deal with a Narcissist When You Can't Go No Contact. My husband ruins nearly every vacation, but always blames others (usually me) for getting very upset, getting drunk, etc. I got the entire refund of 6354 for his share of the trip. It is the time when happy couples renew their relationship, deepen their closeness and make beautiful memories. And traffic. me the picture. We discuss shared interests, not personal matters. We continued to hope for a forgiving return in the new millennium but sort of knew after finding out my husband was tearing the heart out of the community. Exchange days for who is organizing what if one person wants the spontaneous experience of finding yourself on a boat with a psychotic billionaire, and the other person likes to purchase all packaged tours imaginable. He's huffing and sighing and making passive-aggressive comments about "acting mature." Your email address will not be published. READ THE RULES. 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